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They had come down to London determined to have fun, which to them meant drinking
heavily, having casual sex, and maintaining their incessant loud and excited banter. When
talking they often spat out their words like bursts of fire from a machine gun. They seemed to
know every gay venue in London and what sort of crowd it attracted. They joked and teased
each other tirelessly, involving anyone else in the vicinity in their foolery. They were always
lively, often amusing, occasionally very funny, and in their regional dialect sometimes
completely incomprehensible to anyone but each other.
I took them up to the second floor to show them their rooms. They followed me into the
first, all of them crowding in after me.  This one is at the front of the house, I said.
 We re at the front of the house now, lads, a Geordie voice imitated.
 Toilet and shower are through here.
 Toilet and shower through there.
 First time I ve noticed an echo in the room. Will this do for two of you?
 Will this do for two of us? Was that an echo, or might it have been a parrot? Very high
class  we ll have to take our shoes off before we get into bed here. The impudence came
from a tall redhead, who stood in front of me with his shoulders back, his stance revealing a
slight paunch. When I turned to move on to the next room they crowded around the door,
blocking my exit.  Excuse me, if two of you would like to see the next room...
 Come on now, don t block the door, let the man through. They inched apart slightly,
making room for me to squeeze between them. The whole group followed me into the next
room, the sound of their voices ever louder as we progressed. One of them picked up a
wrapped condom from the glass shelf above the wash-basin and asked,  How did you know
what size to get us?
The redhead answered for me:  Worried it ll be too big for you?
 Too small!
 All talk!
When they had seen the three double rooms they argued about who was to share with
whom. As rude accusations about personal habits echoed around the floor I put the keys in
the doors and turned to go downstairs. Darren was coming up towards me.  Sounds like a
coach party, he said.
 Yes. We could hear the Geordies hauling their bags around, presumably having decided
who was to sleep where.
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 I m not working tomorrow evening or Sunday afternoon. I could help out, if there s
anything you want doing.
 Let s see how it goes. He climbed past me onto the landing, where one of the Geordies
spotted him and signalled to the others. Suddenly silent they emerged from their rooms to
watch his skinny figure climb up the next flight of stairs.  Where on earth did you get that?
the redhead asked, his blue eyes open wide.
 He helps out here, with the gardens mostly. Sorry, you won t be seeing much of him, he
has a full-time job in a burger bar.
 Never mind his work, I think I ll follow him up. There s plenty I could do for him right
now.
 The top floor where he lives is strictly out of bounds.
He looked at me questioningly.  There s no signs saying private or staff only.
 No, there are no signs, I prefer to tell people personally that the top floor is out of bounds.
 Do you live up there with him?
 I m not sure what it has to do with you, but no, I m in the basement flat. When I
continued on my way downstairs he called after me,  One thing before you go, pet, if you re
feeling a bit lonely during the night or finding it difficult to sleep, just come up and knock at
any of our doors, you ll be made very welcome I can assure you.
 Thanks, I didn t realise I looked that desperate.
 I saw it as soon as I set eyes on you, man.
 You won t be out clubbing at night then?
 You re right there. You might do better giving us a knock during the day.
Looking as uninterested as possible I said drearily,  Thanks so much for the invitation.
 Well take advantage of it, man, and I m not just saying that to get you to take something
off the bill.
On their way out that evening they found me in the hotel s little office under the ground
floor staircase and asked for directions to a club popular with men from South-East Asia.
They were particularly keen on Chinese men, referring to them as continentals as a kind of
joke, having overheard someone in a bar use the word by mistake instead of orientals.
 Do you get many Chinese or Japanese coming to the hotel?
 No, not so far. Perhaps I m not advertising in the right places.
 A house like this full of Chinese boys would be paradise. They have such lovely oval eyes
and soft smooth golden skin. You won t find anything more lovely to touch. Why go all the
way to Hong Kong or Thailand when you can pick up what you want here in London? The
group had been coming to London for years for what they unashamedly called  dirty [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]