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somewhere he could get Gage to himself rather than get interrupted
from would-be fans. Selfish, yeah, but for one night, he was going
to allow himself to be.
 How about we try someplace new? he said.  Is there any
place you ve wanted to go to that you haven t had a chance to
yet?
 Actually, I d like to try something outside the neighborhood.
Preferably somewhere with really great fries and good, thick
shakes.
He smiled.  I know the perfect place.
Leading the way out of the bar, Christopher felt lighter than he
had, even when he d arrived, his smile lingering when Gage fell
into step beside him. He caught Gage humming under his breath,
though he regretted it stopped once they were safely ensconced in
the front seat.
 Have you had a chance to get to Pasadena yet? he asked,
once they were on the road.  That s where we re going. It s called
the Burger Continental.
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 I drove through it once. The burgers must be really great to go
that far out of your way.
 It s out of the way of the store, yeah, but I do a lot of driving
around in the area for sales, which means I get takeout more often
than not. I know where all the best places are.
 Maybe this should be a weekly thing, then. I m always
interested in eating good food.
 We can do that. It ll be a good way for you to get to know the
area, too. You can scope out other places you might be able to
play.
 Sounds good.
The traffic wasn t bad that time of night, and the miles seemed
inconsequential as they sped along the freeway. Christopher kept
sneaking glances at Gage, even though he could barely see the
other man s face in the dim light. He kept up a steady chatter,
telling Christopher about the new place he was going to play on
Friday night, and how he planned to work on a new set list that
week, and that he was hoping to have time to go to a few concerts.
He never mentioned Bodie s name, which Christopher appreciated.
The Burger Continental was already deep into their dinner rush.
He could see a decent crowd through the restaurant s large
windows, but they weren t overly crowded.
 Just the two of you? the hostess asked.  Would you like to sit
here or in the back?
 The back, Gage answered.
Christopher didn t argue. He let Gage go first, winding their
way through the tables and past the buffet. The Mediterranean
music was in full swing, complete with synthesizers, while a belly
dancer swayed amongst and with a few of the customers. When
Gage nearly bumped into a chair, distracted because of his
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momentary staring, Christopher bit back a smile. The Burger
Continental would never be known for its high cuisine. Its kitschy
atmosphere either turned people away, or attracted them like flies,
but it was always good for a smile, no matter what.
They had covered the outdoor patio since the last time he d
come, but the hostess gave them a table near the edge, away from
the worst of the noise. Christopher hung back to allow Gage to
choose first, then sat in the chair opposite, murmuring thanks when
the hostess left them with menus.
 I know it doesn t look it, he said.  But the fries really are
decent here.
Gage smiled.  I like it. It s fun. Not really what I expected.
 The buffet s not bad, either, if you re in the mood for cheap
Mediterranean. And I figured it was as different from the Red Fin
as we could get.
 Yeah, it s definitely that. I ll have to try the buffet later.
Tonight I am all about a cheeseburger and fries. Or maybe a gyro.
There was this place in Salt Lake&  Gage s voice faded.
 Actually, I think I ll just have the burger.
Shadows haunted Gage s eyes at mention of his hometown.
Christopher had the urge to reach out and soothe the lines from his
forehead, to push back the hair that continually flopped over it, but
that was stepping over a line he d already come too close to the
day at the beach. He d been so close to kissing Gage then. He still
wasn t sure how he d managed to rein himself in.
 So what do you think of LA? Is it living up to what you
thought it d be? Get his mind off Salt Lake. Focus on the present.
He wanted Gage to remember this night with a smile, not sadness
because he d gotten lost in memories of what he d left behind.
 I love LA so far. But it feels like I m on vacation right now. I
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wake up when I want, hang out with who I want, I ve been to so
many different bars and clubs in the past two weeks that I can t
even keep them straight. I keep wondering when somebody is
going to show up to make me go back to my real life.
 If you ask me, it sounds like you finally have a real life.
Getting to make your own choices is one of the benefits of being
an adult.
 And that s basically why I left. I couldn t do anything and it
felt like the ropes were getting tighter all the time.
 I imagine being gay in that kind of religious environment
would be tough.
Gage chuckled.  It would have been if anybody knew I was
gay. Actually, it was everything else that got to me. I mean, it was
bad enough that I had to hide who I was but& nobody was ever
looking that closely anyway. As long as I didn t stray from the
path of salvation, nobody ever saw me. I m not sure how else to
describe it.
 Really? I find that so hard to believe. At the curious tilt of
Gage s head, he added,  That you could get ignored. You stand
out, no matter where you are.
 Not in Utah, I don t. In Utah, I was just another good Mormon
boy, going to church every Sunday, attending BYU, paying my
tithing, going on a mission. You remember when I said I left
because I wanted to grow a beard? I wasn t kidding about that.
 The beard isn t what makes you stand out, though. He hadn t
had much of an impression of Mormons prior to meeting Gage, but
if this kind of blindness was typical, his estimation was quickly
sinking even more.  I mean, I realize religion wants to homogenize
everybody. It s easier to control them, then. But anybody with eyes
can see what you could contribute, beyond doing your religious
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duty.
Gage shrugged.  It didn t matter. That was the thing, it just
didn t matter. All that mattered was that we do what was expected.
All of us. Go on a mission, go to school, get married, have kids,
fulfill our callings, raise the kids in the church, never think for
ourselves. Never do anything. I couldn t take it anymore. I started
to rebel. That s what got me sent home from my mission early.
Which was unbelievably humiliating at the time. Everybody
wanted to know what I had done and a few people& Well, let s
just say that my rebellion wasn t sexual but the rumors about me
were.
He was dying of curiosity to know how Gage had rebelled, but
the last thing he wanted to do was press and evoke even more bad
memories.
He could, however, ask,  And making a clean break, you re not
having any problems with that? After all, if this was all Gage had
ever known, it was no wonder he felt like he was on vacation.
 It s& it s hard. His voice broke a little on the last syllable,
and he reached for his glass of water. Christopher waited while he
took a long swallow and composed himself.  I miss my brothers.
Zak is leaving for his mission in a few weeks, and I won t get to
tell him goodbye. Brett s getting married in October and I can t be [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]