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you; it s another way she s been damaged. You ll have to be patient and wait, Val. And it s impossible
to predict for how long&
Carolyn was spending more and more time on the beach, her healing face turning bronze in the
November sun. Sitting by herself on the rocks or playing with Neal when he was home from school, she
built sandcastles, waded in the surf, walked with Neal hand in hand along the shore.
Val set up a painting table beside the front windows and occupied herself with her profession, the
two people she most valued often in sight on the beach below as she worked. She was working well; the
break to take care of Carolyn seemed to have brought a fresh infusion of creativity.
Her mind unceasingly occupied with Paul Blake, again and again she ordered herself to be patient.
He would be there when the time was right.
Jean Bowman called while Carolyn was down on the beach. Paul Blake wanted to put the house on
the market; there were papers for Carolyn to sign. He had filed for divorce, asking a fifty-fifty split on
community property. Settlement seemed no problem.
 One more thing, Val. He did request a meeting with either or both of you. To personally return
unspecified possessions. Of course I told him no. He requested that I relay the message anyway.
 Thank you, Jean, she said evenly, knowing Paul Blake s  message was intended for her. But
why? Surely it was not physical harm he intended if he would go through Carolyn s lawyer to arrange a
meeting& and he could have assaulted her on that Sunday when she had been with Carolyn.  I ll relay all
this to Carolyn, Val said,  and get back to you, Jean. Except his request for a meeting, of course. That
would only upset her.
 Still no word of concern about her or what he did to her, Jean Bowman said.  Know something,
Val? It s not only this man after fifteen years in this business I m convinced men think we re making it
up or exaggerating when we talk about psychic scars of rape and battery. I think it s an unbridgeable gulf
between men and women.
When Val hung up she was elated, but annoyed that the proposed meeting had been Paul Blake s
initiative and not hers.
Carolyn shrugged.  I don t care what he does as long as I don t have to see him. I do want your
paintings and my clothes, personal things my degree, photos of my parents, things like that. She looked
at Val miserably.  We could go there when he s not around but I d be petrified he might show up. I think
if I saw him I d go completely to pieces.
 You ll never have to see him again, Val stated. She would take care of that.  Make a list of what
you want. We ll give it to Jean.
Val called Jean Bowman and relayed Carolyn s agreement to sale of the house and the conditions for
an uncontested divorce.  If he ll have everything on Carolyn s list delivered to Bekins Storage, I ll take
care of it from there.
 Fine. I ll tell him he can deliver his so-called unspecified possessions to me. Any response,
however profane, you d like me to add about the proposed meeting?
 No. Nothing.
Jean Bowman might feel duty bound to report back to Carolyn that Val had sent word through Paul
Blake s office when she would meet him.
Chapter 46
Val drove to the Blake house and parked. Paul Blake, pacing his front yard, his hands in the pockets
of his gray jogging suit, watched her for several moments as she crossed the street, then he strode into his
house.
Unhurriedly she walked up the driveway, noting the Century 21 for-sale sign on a lawn which was
not yet unkempt but overdue for mowing. The front door was ajar; she left it open behind her. Footprints
were tracked on the parquet floor of the entryway, a thick coat of dust dulled the glass-topped hall table.
There was a mustiness in the house, an air of abandonment.
Paul Blake sat in the white armchair, his gray jogging shoes propped carelessly on the matching
ottoman. His blue eyes seemed transparently pale against the light background.  Sit down, he said.
The voice was cool, the posture self-possessed. Her instincts told her that she need not make any
statement about precautions she had taken; and only then did she concede the real depth of her fear in
coming here.
 I ll stand, she told him with the insolence of her newfound confidence.  This can t take long.
His gaze drifted down her.  You ve got guts, I ll say that. Too bad you can t be the man you wish
you were. Too bad you can t give her what a man can a good house, good food, good clothes,
protection.
 Protection. I heard the man say protection.
His expression did not change.
She said,  At her age I was married too. I had all those things. Again his gaze drifted down her.
 Yes, I remember. Someone actually married you.
She smiled.  Twice.
 We re the same age& How tragic that women live longer than men when the law of gravity is so
much crueler to you. Look at you you ve already begun to sag. A few decent years, that s all you ve got.
I m nowhere near my prime.
So this was why he wanted this meeting or at least one of the reasons. To reclaim his territorial
rights by assuring her that she had won no victory, that her gains were short term and illusory.
The List etched itself clearly in her mind. She crossed her arms.  She s with me, she said slowly,
with relish.  Where she wants to be.
He said evenly,  Queer is such a perfect word for you. You are queer. A freak. She s been with
men, she ll go back to men when she gets tired of being fucked by a queer.
There was an almost palpable sensation of the words caroming off her, off the impervious armor of
her confidence. Never again would she allow the best of herself to be diminished. Why had she ever
allowed it?
 I have her now. She spread her feet and said with deep pleasure, drawing out the words,  I ll have
her a good long time, all that sweetness of her to enjoy& to the fullest. You ll never have her again.
He stared at her with his transparent eyes.  You re pathetic. An imitation man. A perversion of a
man. A dyke, a cuntsucking 
 She doesn t like to be sucked. Her voice was soft, containing none of the exhilaration she felt.  I
start by putting my tongue just up inside and circling her. Her hips rock, she goes crazy.
The transparent eyes froze on her.
 I know all the ways to move my tongue, how to make her moan and want to come, but not let her
come.
As his face blanched, she watched with the most savage joy she had ever known, the adrenaline
surging through her.
He rose. She squared her shoulders and stood to her full height.
She said, gauging him,  You saw us that Sunday did you watch the whole afternoon? Did you see
all those times? Did you watch all those ways she loved me?
She braced as he moved toward her; she would slash the edge of one hand across his throat, drive
the knuckles of the other hand into his eyes.
 Every night from now on I ll have her. Every night she ll be fucked by this queer.
She stopped, not because he had halted a few feet from her, but because she was finished, and
because every item was gone from The List.
She stared into his white face. She could smell alcohol on his breath. He moved around her, past her,
and into the guest room.
Her euphoria vanished. Fear took cold shape. Had he gone in there for a weapon? Nonplussed, [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]